The Values Voter's Bible

THE VALUES VOTER'S BIBLE

This week a Values Voter conference was held in Washington D.C.. The usual suspects were there, and the national redemption depended upon these values. So in light of this, I have begun a Values Voter's Bible. Here are a few excerpts.

* In the beginning were Values, and those Values were with God, and those Values were God.

* For the law was given by Moses, but values came by Jesus Christ.

* But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto my values in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and the ballot box, and unto the uttermost part of the red and blue states.

　

* And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach my values to every creature.
He that believeth these values and is baptized shall be saved; but he that believeth not these values shall be damned.
And these signs shall follow them that believe; In my name shall they be pro-life; they shall speak against gay marriage with new tongues;
They shall take up petitions; and if they are assaulted by a gay mob, it shall not hurt them; they shall lay hands on the liberals, and they shall lose the election.

　

* And Jesus came and spake unto them, saying, All values are given unto me in heaven and in earth.
Go ye therefore, and teach all nations my values, baptizing them in the name of the founding fathers , and the pro-life movement, and of the traditional marriage amendment:
Teaching them to observe all values whatsoever the Judeo-Christian ethic commands: and, lo, my conservative values are with you always, even unto the end of the election. Amen.

* And whosoever was not found in the Republican Party was cast out of office.

* Even so, Come Mitt Romney.