Remembering Depravity

It wasn’t long in eternity’s timetable, but just a few years ago I was a dead man lost in the deepest of pits, the black hole of iniquity. I did not care nor wish to care about eternity or the God who dwelled there. I walked in darkness and although incarcerated by my own sins I was under the illusion that I was alive and well. I called evil good and good to me was evil. There was an entire kingdom thriving in the heavenlies and in the hearts of people but I would not and could not acknowledge such a world. The world I could see with my fleshly eyes was the only existence I knew and in that I dwelt.

Living from one temporal oasis of carnality to another was my journey and many were my fellow travelers. I thought laughter was joy and euphoria was the goal and always money was the love of our souls. Aimless was the chartered course and strength was drawn from the other wanderers who supported each other with the notion that we can get things right on that ever elusive day called “tomorrow”. And empty was our talk, our plans, and our lives. Indeed we were moving corpses masquerading as lives.

I can remember being depraved. Many believers have come to know Christ at an early age and in their minds they cannot really remember being depraved since the symptoms of Adam’s fall grow remarkably as one gets older, but for those of us who did not come to faith in the Lord Jesus until past our teenage years we can recall all too well walking in utter darkness. I can remember living as a natural brute beast without any Spirit led conscience and sinning willfully and habitually. Some friendships were galvanized over certain sins and a sort of brotherhood existed between the sons of Adam.

We did not watch the movie trailers in order to avoid looking at sinful content, on the contrary, we sought it out. The selfish pleasures and passions of this life were the fuel which kept us going and we thought precious little of Spiritual things and when anything Spiritual was discussed it was of a perverted and self serving manner. Step by step my life progressed toward the forever abyss and my existence was just a rehearsal for eternal death. I did not know who I was or where I was going although I thought I knew both. Blind and oh so hollow, I became an expert at manufacturing a spectrum of self destructive behavior and calling it happiness.

I can remember sitting in a bar and looking around beneath the loud music and all the activity and silently wondering what is it all about. I found some comfort in telling myself that meaning on that level could not be known and after all I was just like everyone else. I did not desire my parent’s life and I was not fulfilled with this one. Lost and moving within a silent despair I could party like Mick Jagger and I could muse like James Taylor and yet it was just cotton candy, pleasant to look at but without substance in the mouth. No one knew, not even me, that even in those days the tiny light of the Spirit was gently but significantly speaking to my heart about my complete condition of depravity. Before I could put it into words I felt it clearly and in retrospect, unmistakably.

Then in one moment in early 1975 I can remember thinking that perhaps truth could be known and just maybe there was a God and the possibility that Jesus was God Himself became a reality. From the very inception of that thought I would never be able to get away from it. Every day something would remind me of the possibility I was carrying around. This was the first time I had even considered Jesus on this level and it seemed that I had gotten off the merry-go-round of this life and began to consider spiritual things and the existence of eternity. I was still walking in depravity but there was a chronic condition inside me that continually brought Jesus up before me and at some point I realized I would have to decide once and for all.
To sit on the fence was death, the same death I had embraced for 23 years.

So in March of 1975 I was made alive. It wasn’t until then that I realized how lost and depraved I was and like walking away from a tall building and looking back and seeing clearly the overall shape I began to see how dark had been my life and how bright the light shone from the face of my Savior and Lord. I am not the person I used to be but I can remember being that person. I can remember the thought processes and the spiritual emptiness that defined my existence. I can remember the lack of spiritual conscience and the hollow life that I shared with other lost shells. I can remember being without direction and totally without purpose in this world. Not one for moderation I used every avenue of the flesh to create substance in my life which was nothing more than an illusion.

Oh yes, I remember being depraved and as I think of those days I am overwhelmed that Jesus would choose to provide a way for people like me to escape that death and walk in newness of life. And at the end of this abundant life awaits for me an unearned crown of righteousness which I will wear in His presence, forever. I do not know how much we will recall in the heavenly city but there may be those there who knew me before March of 1975 and they may be surprised to see me, but they will not have to ask how I got there. No, no one will have to ask because everyone in that glorious place will have arrived via the same door and by the same means, and gathered together as former depraved dead men now washed in the Blood of God’s Lamb we will all be captivated by the same truth…

Worthy is that Lamb…for thou wast slain and hast redeemed us to God by thy blood out of every kindred, and tongue, and people, and nation…
Praise our God all ye His servants and ye that fear Him both small and great.

Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.